The Penis Mightier than the Sword
If you're reading the title of this post thinking "What could she possibly mean? Her penis was cut off by essentially a small sword!", then you're right - from that perspective, swords are much mightier than penises. But ever since the surgery I've been getting these phantom penis feelings. I'll try to explain, though my parents didn't really get it.
Basically, my penis was reconstructed into a vagina, and so a lot of the material that was previously my penis now comprises my vagina - including any nerves. So sometimes I'll get a feeling in my now-vagina, but it feels like it came from my previous-penis, and it's really bizarre. The worst/weirdest thing is with vag itches (which I can't itch anyway but never mind) - you're used to that particular itchy nerve being in one place but now it's somewhere else, so you literally can't find the itch and couldn't itch it even if you were allowed to. It's a little disconcerting, having paid somewhere in the region of 25k NZD to NOT have a penis, but apparently the phantom penis will pass eventually. I guess it's like how chickens are supposed to be able to live without their head for some amount of time. A quick Google shows that one chicken - 'Miracle Mike' - lived for 18 months without a head, which is a little out of control. I've heard phantom penis can go on for a few months, which I can deal with. Just no Miracle Mikes please.
In summary, the title of this blog "The Penis Mightier than the Sword" is because I can still feel my penis sometimes, so it's like it was mightier than the scalpel (sword) that chopped it off. I'm sure you all get it, but Mum and Dad didn't so I thought I'd pen an explanation. After all - the pen is mightier than the sword.
Ok yeah, everyone gets your pun Rosie. Good one, move along.
My favourite person at the hotel left on the 27th. I'm still a bit sad. She was the loveliest and most gentle person I've ever met. She knows who she is. Making friends here is great, but it's tough when you have to say goodbye.
Speaking of goodbyes, today was my last checkup with Dr Suporn and at the clinic. He's a super nice guy, and clearly very humble, but the final check up was all business. He examined the new tenant downstairs and explained a few things about post-care once I'm back home. Then he showed me some pictures from my surgery (which means I DO have a before dick pic for those who were asking). Then he answered my last few questions. Then he said "Okay thank you, goodbye", and went into the neighbouring room to see the next patient. I guess when you've brought literally thousands of vaginas into the world, one more isn't a big deal. I'm sure he's had no end of patients try to gush at him about how thankful they are, and how much their life has changed thanks to his work. Thing is, he doesn't need to hear it, he knows he's the best. He is King of the Vaginas. Ain't no thing when you're the king.
After I saw him I also got given a bunch more drugs and things. I just take them till they run out and then I'm done. I'm actually looking forward to being able to drink a coffee and then immediately go for a heinous shit. Being constipated from drugs is not fun. The worst is that feeling of hope when you think a poop has finally arrived at the gates, and you rush to the toilet, ready for that glorious release and here it comes AND... you do one chirpy fart and it's over. Toot. Alternatively, you squeeze for a couple minutes and all you get is one chick pea poop and zero satisfaction. Personally, I prefer the toot to the chick pea. The chick pea is more work for more disappointment.
I'm really looking forward to getting home, but I have to go through the flight home first. Hours sitting in discomfort with a throbbing vj. Also, wasn't VJ a character on Home and Away in the 90s? And he died in a fire? That was a really sad moment I thought. I think he'd just gotten married, and his wife was pregnant too. Anyway. I've got a letter saying I've just had surgery so give me a comfortable seat, so I'm hoping that somehow results in a bump up to business class or something. I can also have a wheelchair if I want (which I don't).
Okay that's all I think. I might write a longer thing when I get back about the trip as a whole, maybe a little more serious than these shit things. Oh yeah, we went to one of Dr Suporn's beach houses the other day (he is very rich!). We stopped at a temple on the way, and went up 'Monkey Mountain' on the way back. I have a couple of pictures from that trip, although unfortunately none of the monkeys. Also one of the mall Christmas tree and one of the clinic cat.
Basically, my penis was reconstructed into a vagina, and so a lot of the material that was previously my penis now comprises my vagina - including any nerves. So sometimes I'll get a feeling in my now-vagina, but it feels like it came from my previous-penis, and it's really bizarre. The worst/weirdest thing is with vag itches (which I can't itch anyway but never mind) - you're used to that particular itchy nerve being in one place but now it's somewhere else, so you literally can't find the itch and couldn't itch it even if you were allowed to. It's a little disconcerting, having paid somewhere in the region of 25k NZD to NOT have a penis, but apparently the phantom penis will pass eventually. I guess it's like how chickens are supposed to be able to live without their head for some amount of time. A quick Google shows that one chicken - 'Miracle Mike' - lived for 18 months without a head, which is a little out of control. I've heard phantom penis can go on for a few months, which I can deal with. Just no Miracle Mikes please.
In summary, the title of this blog "The Penis Mightier than the Sword" is because I can still feel my penis sometimes, so it's like it was mightier than the scalpel (sword) that chopped it off. I'm sure you all get it, but Mum and Dad didn't so I thought I'd pen an explanation. After all - the pen is mightier than the sword.
Ok yeah, everyone gets your pun Rosie. Good one, move along.
My favourite person at the hotel left on the 27th. I'm still a bit sad. She was the loveliest and most gentle person I've ever met. She knows who she is. Making friends here is great, but it's tough when you have to say goodbye.
Speaking of goodbyes, today was my last checkup with Dr Suporn and at the clinic. He's a super nice guy, and clearly very humble, but the final check up was all business. He examined the new tenant downstairs and explained a few things about post-care once I'm back home. Then he showed me some pictures from my surgery (which means I DO have a before dick pic for those who were asking). Then he answered my last few questions. Then he said "Okay thank you, goodbye", and went into the neighbouring room to see the next patient. I guess when you've brought literally thousands of vaginas into the world, one more isn't a big deal. I'm sure he's had no end of patients try to gush at him about how thankful they are, and how much their life has changed thanks to his work. Thing is, he doesn't need to hear it, he knows he's the best. He is King of the Vaginas. Ain't no thing when you're the king.
After I saw him I also got given a bunch more drugs and things. I just take them till they run out and then I'm done. I'm actually looking forward to being able to drink a coffee and then immediately go for a heinous shit. Being constipated from drugs is not fun. The worst is that feeling of hope when you think a poop has finally arrived at the gates, and you rush to the toilet, ready for that glorious release and here it comes AND... you do one chirpy fart and it's over. Toot. Alternatively, you squeeze for a couple minutes and all you get is one chick pea poop and zero satisfaction. Personally, I prefer the toot to the chick pea. The chick pea is more work for more disappointment.
I'm really looking forward to getting home, but I have to go through the flight home first. Hours sitting in discomfort with a throbbing vj. Also, wasn't VJ a character on Home and Away in the 90s? And he died in a fire? That was a really sad moment I thought. I think he'd just gotten married, and his wife was pregnant too. Anyway. I've got a letter saying I've just had surgery so give me a comfortable seat, so I'm hoping that somehow results in a bump up to business class or something. I can also have a wheelchair if I want (which I don't).
Okay that's all I think. I might write a longer thing when I get back about the trip as a whole, maybe a little more serious than these shit things. Oh yeah, we went to one of Dr Suporn's beach houses the other day (he is very rich!). We stopped at a temple on the way, and went up 'Monkey Mountain' on the way back. I have a couple of pictures from that trip, although unfortunately none of the monkeys. Also one of the mall Christmas tree and one of the clinic cat.
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