Rosie's VJ

I haven't written a blog in over a year. I've decided to title this one 'Urethra Frankly', because this blog is about my vagina and lately my urethra has been a bit tight. So they tell me anyway. Also, it sounds like Aretha Franklin. "But Rosie, vaginas don't sing!" Mines does, and it sounds like Aretha Franklin.  What's happened in the last year? Well, much to the disappointment of audiences all over Christchurch, I've been doing stand up comedy. I'm also a receptionist at my local friendly pole dancing studio, and I'm back at uni studying law and politics. Anyway, that's the big update all done. It's assessment week at uni. I wouldn't say this blog is procrastination, but I'm definitely intentionally delaying all the work I have to do by writing this. I have to sentence a hypothetical man to prison. He isn't a particularly nice man from what I can tell, but that's hardly his fault. It doesn't seem fair w

In keeping with the vagina-theme of this blog, the title of this one is 'Vaginaphone'. That's because I quit my job at a certain telecommunications company about a month ago, not because my vagina is a phone. My vagina isn't like a phone at all. So yes I quit my job. I have to say, the big downside of quitting my job is that I miss having professional and work appropriate conversations with my fellow colleagues. Though sometimes I wish I had been a little less professional and committed to providing great customer service, just so that my associates could have seen the fun side of me. As an example of a fun thing that I'd do, sometimes when ending a call with one of the company's valued customers I'd say: 'thanks for your call valued customer, please enjoy your landline and broadband services'. Providing a great service is all the fun I need. I'm back at uni now though. Uni is short for 'university', which is an institution of learnin

I had sex with your mother/father/sister/brother. Sorry, that's not true. Unless you're actually a person whose mother/father/sister/brother I've had sex with - then it is true. Anyway, the reason I wrote that is because my teachers at school used to always say that good writers will catch your attention and draw you in in the first couple of sentences. So hopefully you're all feeling attentive/drawn in now. I guess I really did learn a thing or two at school. So I'm pretty sure I'm going bald. I've been losing so much hair. That's fine though because - like most kids - I always wanted to grow up to be a bald transgender woman. My endocrinologist told me it's a common thing after stressful life events like surgery, and that I should stop shedding hair soon. I told her "this is disappointing news due to the fact that my life long dream is to be a bald transgender woman". I really hope I keep losing my hair. I s'pose I could just shav

Title is a reference to Gollum for no particular reason. Here's the moment nobody has been waiting for: a blog by me. I don't remember what happened in the last episode, but the latest episode is definitely more boring and a much bigger waste of your time. See, my life pretty much just consists of dilating, watching netflix and playing video games. I also work a little bit. The kind of thing that is amazing for like 2 days, before it begins to slowly drive you insane. It also means I have nothing to talk about, so I really don't know why I'm writing this. I've been trialing dilating two times a day a bit earlier than I'm supposed to, mainly due to it ruining my life. Dilating has literally made me cry multiple times, either from pain or just frustration at having to do it. I do really like crying though - it's really satisfying. When I was pretending to be a man I used to watch sad movies to make me cry. What I didn't realise is that I could have j

I was gonna write a fun but more serious summary of my time in Thailand, but when I sat down to do it I didn't know how so now I'm just writing another shitpost about life with my new plumbing. About a week ago I found out I had my first UTI. Just over a month since I got it, and my vj is already infected. I knew UTIs were common among the vaginally-endowed, but I thought I might at least catch a break for a few months while I wear in the new equipment. It took me a while to realise I had one too, cause the common symptoms are feeling you need to pee and a stinging sensation when you do. Well, my vagina hurts about 50% of the time anyway at the moment, so if there was any stinging I just assumed it was all part of the regular day to day of just having had your dick cut up and rearranged. And I'm new to this whole vagina thing, so if I think I need to pee and then find out I can't I usually conclude that it's because I have no idea what I'm doing. Then the othe

If you're reading the title of this post thinking "What could she possibly mean? Her penis was cut off by essentially a small sword!", then you're right - from that perspective, swords are much mightier than penises. But ever since the surgery I've been getting these phantom penis feelings. I'll try to explain, though my parents didn't really get it. Basically, my penis was reconstructed into a vagina, and so a lot of the material that was previously my penis now comprises my vagina - including any nerves. So sometimes I'll get a feeling in my now-vagina, but it feels like it came from my previous-penis, and it's really bizarre. The worst/weirdest thing is with vag itches (which I can't itch anyway but never mind) - you're used to that particular itchy nerve being in one place but now it's somewhere else, so you literally can't find the itch and couldn't itch it even if you were allowed to. It's a little disconcerting, hav