Rosie's VJ

If you're reading the title of this post thinking "What could she possibly mean? Her penis was cut off by essentially a small sword!", then you're right - from that perspective, swords are much mightier than penises. But ever since the surgery I've been getting these phantom penis feelings. I'll try to explain, though my parents didn't really get it. Basically, my penis was reconstructed into a vagina, and so a lot of the material that was previously my penis now comprises my vagina - including any nerves. So sometimes I'll get a feeling in my now-vagina, but it feels like it came from my previous-penis, and it's really bizarre. The worst/weirdest thing is with vag itches (which I can't itch anyway but never mind) - you're used to that particular itchy nerve being in one place but now it's somewhere else, so you literally can't find the itch and couldn't itch it even if you were allowed to. It's a little disconcerting, hav...

I like the idea of people removing their penises upon entering somebody's house and leaving them at the door, like a pair of shoes. And then sometimes you grab the wrong penis when you're leaving cause it looks the same, and you only realise when it's got a different bump, or the veins are a different pattern. Or you forget to leave your penis at the door and the host gives you a rude look for wearing your penis while sitting on their couch, and you've gotta go take it off to appease them. Anyway, that's why I gave this blog that title. Leaving penises at the door would be funny. Also, mine has been permanently left at a hospital door in Thailand, never to be seen again (as you all know). I've started doing dynamic dilation now. That's the thing where you swirl the dilator around in your vagina that I talked about last time. It's all good. It takes less time and the swirling isn't so bad. I go medium dilator for a bit, then large - the dynamic duo....

Unfortunately the title of this blog is no longer a palindrome due to my adaptation to it, but gosh it's witty. I don't know if I can say that about the title to my own blog, but I literally did come to Thailand to see a man with a plan for a canal - vaginal! Do vaginas make you smarter? Cause I feel real smart right now. I think they must - Mum and I have been getting sometimes more than 60% on the Stuff daily trivia quizzes. What's the capital of Austria? It's Vienna you losers. How about the meaning of the word 'ubiquitous'? Omnipresent. Easy. And that's just the power of two vaginas for you. Now if we could get about 10 vaginas in a room we'd be onto something. Anyway, life in the hotel. There's literally nothing going on. I dilate twice a day to like 17cms, take tons of drugs (sometimes up to 10 different types!) and Mum gets me coffees. At night I don't sleep because my vagina catches on fire. I don't know why it's a night time th...

Last time on Rosie's VJ: I had a couple of days left in the hospital, an incomprehensible amount of material in my bowels, and was pretty drugged up. Since then, I've left the hospital and am back at the comfort of the hotel. Leaving the hospital was a nightmare. On Friday morning I was woken up at 6am by a nurse, who gave some pain killers and told me to drink 2 litres of water before 7.30am or something. She also blocked my catheter, meaning drinking 2 litres of water was no small feat, especially with the aforementioned full bowels pushing on my bladder, and the vag packing pushing on it too. So I did anyway, and it was difficult. Then the doctor came and took out all the packing in my vj, which was there to make sure it didn't just close up like in the Empire Strikes Back when Han Solo and co land inside that big monster and then it tries to keep them sealed inside to be digested. Then they showed me how to dilate. Long story short - you put a huge lubed up dildo in...

Sometime yesterday morning Dr Suporn and his team showed up and took my bandages off. Surprisingly, there was no salami. In fact right in front of me was all the features of a regular (albeit hideous) vagina. And even though it was hideous, I couldn't help but smile. There was a vagina there - boop - right between my legs. Even Mum was extremely impressed, and she's had a vagina for years. I'm really not exaggerating when I say it was hideous though. It looked like a flattened cheeseburger on its side, except the mustard and tomato sauce had gotten all over the buns and patty, and someone had sown string through it as well because the cheeseburger as a whole lacked structural integrity (forward thinking on their part). It was (is) bruised, swollen, discolored - just awful really. I have a flatmate who doesn't like bananas though, so not sure it's more awful than that. Plus, in a few weeks or months it will be the prettiest vj in the land, and he'll probably st...

I'm not sure about the name of this post, but it does tick all the boxes I guess. Before my last post it was the night before surgery, and I was about to have my penis (small and with a foreskin according to the surgeon) converted into a vagina. Well, since then it has all gone ahead as planned, and I'm pleased to say that I have something that isn't a penis where my penis was before. I think it's a vagina, but I'm not allowed to remove the bandages, so it might be something else, like a piece of salami. I'm vegetarian, so I don't know how I'd feel about that. It would still be flat I guess, so nobody would know that I have a piece of salami instead of a vagina. Then again, I don't know why they'd surgically insert a piece of salami. I have met some weird Thai folk though. I offered one of the Thai nurses one piece of chocolate and she just took all of it (true story - it was nearly a full block of almond Whittakers), so I guess if somebody cou...

So I've been in Thailand for 3 days now, and today is the last before surgery. I'm just sitting in the hospital room at the moment waiting until my 8 o'clock enema, so I thought I'd write a cheeky blog post to kill some time. I did make a video of the room earlier, but then Wordpress said I had to pay to upload it, so I deleted Wordpress and made this instead, but then Blogger has a 100mb limit, and my video was 450mb. So no video for now. It was pretty boring anyway. So yeah. 8 o'clock enema. A girl here got hemorrhoids from her enema. I'm pretty keen to just get a vagina with no added hemorrhoids, but we'll see. On Wednesday some surgeons looked at and touched my dick. It was all very clinical. They just waltzed in, grabbed it and started pulling it on all different angles, making comments in Thai to each other all along. It was like my penis was being reviewed. "Great decision to include the foreskin, but we felt that as a whole the dick was a li...