A man, a plan, a canal - Vaginal!
Unfortunately the title of this blog is no longer a palindrome due to my adaptation to it, but gosh it's witty. I don't know if I can say that about the title to my own blog, but I literally did come to Thailand to see a man with a plan for a canal - vaginal! Do vaginas make you smarter? Cause I feel real smart right now. I think they must - Mum and I have been getting sometimes more than 60% on the Stuff daily trivia quizzes. What's the capital of Austria? It's Vienna you losers. How about the meaning of the word 'ubiquitous'? Omnipresent. Easy. And that's just the power of two vaginas for you. Now if we could get about 10 vaginas in a room we'd be onto something.
Anyway, life in the hotel. There's literally nothing going on. I dilate twice a day to like 17cms, take tons of drugs (sometimes up to 10 different types!) and Mum gets me coffees. At night I don't sleep because my vagina catches on fire. I don't know why it's a night time thing. I took a bunch of painkillers last night (the strong ones) and it was still smouldering a little. I would describe the feeling as at the very least unenjoyable.
My Dad gets here today, or so we hope. He once missed a flight when he was checked in and waiting at the correct gate at the correct time. He got talking to some old guy and didn't notice everyone boarding the plane that he was also there to board. He didn't notice when they called his name over the PA multiple times either. He had to pay for a new flight. Good one Dad.
Back onto the topic of my sometimes flaming vagina, I got some of the stitches removed on Monday. They whipped them out like they were undoing a shoelace. I didn't even feel it. Apparently this means that things are healing well, and soon I'll be able to walk distances further than like 50 metres. I've been getting pizza/garlic bread delivered from a pizza place that is visible across the road. It costs me 50 baht to deliver. That's like 2.50NZD. I'm ashamed of myself. I'll probably do it again tonight.
The examination that determines whether I'll need to keep paying 50 baht for deliveries is tomorrow. The surgeon will have a quick squiz and let me know what the deal is. There is a small possibility that the bottom area of my labia majora will have separated and will need reattaching, but the nurse who visited today said it looked better. That probably sounds real dire, and it was freaking me out a little, but I asked the surgeon how bad it was and he was like 'Yeah nah fuck no worries'. That made me feel better.
I'll also probably have to go onto dynamic dilation tomorrow. That's where you swirl the dilator around inside your vagina like you're making soup. I've been told it's really tiring, even though you only have to do it for 10-15 minutes. The hard part is that you've gotta reach your max depth before you can do any swirling, and it's with a wider dilator. I've gained a lot of trust in my vagina since its conception, so I'm quite optimistic that we'll be deep and swirling in no time. The swirl in my oyster. That's a pun on 'the world is my oyster', because some people say oysters can look a bit like vaginas. A quick Google shows that a crab even bit some lady's vagina because it thought it was an oyster. I guess that's why so many people end up with crabs?
Moving on. I think there's not much more to say here. I pooped for the 2nd time since the 8th which was nice. I should say 8th of December and add a comma otherwise that sentence is weird. Does it mean I've pooped two more times since my 8th poop, which was a nice poop? But yeah, that's about it. I still don't have any photos because I haven't moved anywhere.
Kob Khun Ka.
Anyway, life in the hotel. There's literally nothing going on. I dilate twice a day to like 17cms, take tons of drugs (sometimes up to 10 different types!) and Mum gets me coffees. At night I don't sleep because my vagina catches on fire. I don't know why it's a night time thing. I took a bunch of painkillers last night (the strong ones) and it was still smouldering a little. I would describe the feeling as at the very least unenjoyable.
My Dad gets here today, or so we hope. He once missed a flight when he was checked in and waiting at the correct gate at the correct time. He got talking to some old guy and didn't notice everyone boarding the plane that he was also there to board. He didn't notice when they called his name over the PA multiple times either. He had to pay for a new flight. Good one Dad.
Back onto the topic of my sometimes flaming vagina, I got some of the stitches removed on Monday. They whipped them out like they were undoing a shoelace. I didn't even feel it. Apparently this means that things are healing well, and soon I'll be able to walk distances further than like 50 metres. I've been getting pizza/garlic bread delivered from a pizza place that is visible across the road. It costs me 50 baht to deliver. That's like 2.50NZD. I'm ashamed of myself. I'll probably do it again tonight.
The examination that determines whether I'll need to keep paying 50 baht for deliveries is tomorrow. The surgeon will have a quick squiz and let me know what the deal is. There is a small possibility that the bottom area of my labia majora will have separated and will need reattaching, but the nurse who visited today said it looked better. That probably sounds real dire, and it was freaking me out a little, but I asked the surgeon how bad it was and he was like 'Yeah nah fuck no worries'. That made me feel better.
I'll also probably have to go onto dynamic dilation tomorrow. That's where you swirl the dilator around inside your vagina like you're making soup. I've been told it's really tiring, even though you only have to do it for 10-15 minutes. The hard part is that you've gotta reach your max depth before you can do any swirling, and it's with a wider dilator. I've gained a lot of trust in my vagina since its conception, so I'm quite optimistic that we'll be deep and swirling in no time. The swirl in my oyster. That's a pun on 'the world is my oyster', because some people say oysters can look a bit like vaginas. A quick Google shows that a crab even bit some lady's vagina because it thought it was an oyster. I guess that's why so many people end up with crabs?
Moving on. I think there's not much more to say here. I pooped for the 2nd time since the 8th which was nice. I should say 8th of December and add a comma otherwise that sentence is weird. Does it mean I've pooped two more times since my 8th poop, which was a nice poop? But yeah, that's about it. I still don't have any photos because I haven't moved anywhere.
Kob Khun Ka.
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