Covagina
Hi everyone, it's been a while since I've posted here. Perhaps you could even say it's been yonks. Well here I am, I am doing a post now.
This one really has nothing to do with my vagina, but in keeping with the theme of the blog and the news of the day, I've named it 'Covagina'. What that is is a pun on covid, where I've cleverly observed that covid has a V in it, and vagina starts with a V, and therefore a pun can be made. I'd like to thank Ms Farrelly in year 8 for encouraging me to write, she always told me I had a way with words. Without her I would not be sharing this pun with you now.
Okay so what's this blog about. I don't really know. We're in lockdown. I was sitting here staring into space feeling bored and uninspired, the third night in a row that I've sat staring into space feeling bored and uninspired, and I was listening to this quite lonely sounding album by Nils Frahm (appropriately titled 'Empty'), and then suddenly I thought "Gosh why not get the old blog back together". Being bored and uninspired is quite a good thing, because sometimes it means that you do something crazy like write a blog.
Last night, my second night of staring into space feeling bored and uninspired, I thought "I guess I could do some yoga", and that turned out to be a very good thing because today I felt quite limber. My nipples have also seemed to be a bit bigger today, and I don't know if that's because of the yoga but it's just an observation that I've made which you can reach your own conclusions about. I wouldn't be so bold as to say that yoga caused my nipples to enlarge, I'm just noting here that yesterday I did some yoga and today my nipples are a bit bigger than usual. As they say, correlation does not equal causation, but I would just say that it's a little bit suspicious that the very next day after I did some yoga my nipples have increased in size noticeably. The question I would ask is, if I hadn't have done yoga would my nipples still have gotten a bit bigger today? Truthfully, I don't think we'll ever know the answer to that question, but I definitely have my own theories about how yoga and nipples are connected. That's all I will say on this topic for now.
On my first night of staring into space feeling bored and uninspired, I watched a movie called 'Lovesong', and then I cried for a long time because I felt that there was so much that was beautiful about the world and I wanted to express to everybody who ever existed that it would all be okay and that there is some kind of meaning to all of this but I can't quite capture with words what it means but it's there and it's something pure and good and gentle. After that I couldn't get to sleep so I just quickly masturbated for a wee moment and then that was all sorted.
One thing that I've been doing a lot in lockdown is playing drums along to this absolutely ridiculous section in Bad Guy by Billie Eilish that somehow feels immoral to listen to because it's so filthy. I'll loop it for 20 or 30 minutes and play the same thing over and over again and then when I'm done I have to go and have a shower because I feel so ashamed of myself.
Another thing I feel ashamed about is shitting my pants a couple of weeks ago. It wasn't like a full blown poop type deal, but it was definitely more than a shart, so I've had to reluctantly accept that realistically, all things considered, I probably did shit myself. In my defense, it was because I ate too many cashew nuts, which I later discovered are very high in magnesium, and magnesium is known to be something that can loosen the bowels quite a bit. I should also say that my landlords gave me the pack of cashew nuts, in a move that with the benefit of hindsight I see was nothing other than an intentional act of sabotage disguised as a kind and caring gesture. If anything, my landlords shit my pants, not me. The jokes on them though because magnesium also helps with restless leg syndrome, and restless leg syndrome runs in my family, and I would be lying if I told you that my legs had been restless after eating those cashews. On the contrary, my legs were very restful. Even as I shit my pants they did not stir.
Now that I'm thinking about it, the last time I had any sort of accident in relation to peeing and pooping was when I was 12 and I'd just been to see a movie with my friends Ryan and Jack. After the movie we were in the cinema foyer, and I really needed to pee, but when I went to the bathroom the door said 'Patrons Only', and I thought "Well I don't really know what a patron is but I'm sure I'm not one of them", so I decided I would hold on until I got home. Jack's mum picked us up, but we were dropping Ryan home before me, and I was starting to feel desperate. We dropped Ryan off, but just as we were driving away, he unexpectedly executed a near perfect piece of physical comedy: he pretended to go down some invisible stairs. It pushed me over the edge. Nobody had ever pretended to go down some invisible stairs so well before. I couldn't take it. I started laughing, and as I laughed I lost control. I peed all over the backseat of Jack's mum's car. Although Jack and his Mum seemingly hadn't noticed what I'd done, when I got out of the car that day I didn't just leave my urine behind: I left my dignity.
Okay then that's the blog that I have written.
This one really has nothing to do with my vagina, but in keeping with the theme of the blog and the news of the day, I've named it 'Covagina'. What that is is a pun on covid, where I've cleverly observed that covid has a V in it, and vagina starts with a V, and therefore a pun can be made. I'd like to thank Ms Farrelly in year 8 for encouraging me to write, she always told me I had a way with words. Without her I would not be sharing this pun with you now.
Okay so what's this blog about. I don't really know. We're in lockdown. I was sitting here staring into space feeling bored and uninspired, the third night in a row that I've sat staring into space feeling bored and uninspired, and I was listening to this quite lonely sounding album by Nils Frahm (appropriately titled 'Empty'), and then suddenly I thought "Gosh why not get the old blog back together". Being bored and uninspired is quite a good thing, because sometimes it means that you do something crazy like write a blog.
Last night, my second night of staring into space feeling bored and uninspired, I thought "I guess I could do some yoga", and that turned out to be a very good thing because today I felt quite limber. My nipples have also seemed to be a bit bigger today, and I don't know if that's because of the yoga but it's just an observation that I've made which you can reach your own conclusions about. I wouldn't be so bold as to say that yoga caused my nipples to enlarge, I'm just noting here that yesterday I did some yoga and today my nipples are a bit bigger than usual. As they say, correlation does not equal causation, but I would just say that it's a little bit suspicious that the very next day after I did some yoga my nipples have increased in size noticeably. The question I would ask is, if I hadn't have done yoga would my nipples still have gotten a bit bigger today? Truthfully, I don't think we'll ever know the answer to that question, but I definitely have my own theories about how yoga and nipples are connected. That's all I will say on this topic for now.
On my first night of staring into space feeling bored and uninspired, I watched a movie called 'Lovesong', and then I cried for a long time because I felt that there was so much that was beautiful about the world and I wanted to express to everybody who ever existed that it would all be okay and that there is some kind of meaning to all of this but I can't quite capture with words what it means but it's there and it's something pure and good and gentle. After that I couldn't get to sleep so I just quickly masturbated for a wee moment and then that was all sorted.
One thing that I've been doing a lot in lockdown is playing drums along to this absolutely ridiculous section in Bad Guy by Billie Eilish that somehow feels immoral to listen to because it's so filthy. I'll loop it for 20 or 30 minutes and play the same thing over and over again and then when I'm done I have to go and have a shower because I feel so ashamed of myself.
Another thing I feel ashamed about is shitting my pants a couple of weeks ago. It wasn't like a full blown poop type deal, but it was definitely more than a shart, so I've had to reluctantly accept that realistically, all things considered, I probably did shit myself. In my defense, it was because I ate too many cashew nuts, which I later discovered are very high in magnesium, and magnesium is known to be something that can loosen the bowels quite a bit. I should also say that my landlords gave me the pack of cashew nuts, in a move that with the benefit of hindsight I see was nothing other than an intentional act of sabotage disguised as a kind and caring gesture. If anything, my landlords shit my pants, not me. The jokes on them though because magnesium also helps with restless leg syndrome, and restless leg syndrome runs in my family, and I would be lying if I told you that my legs had been restless after eating those cashews. On the contrary, my legs were very restful. Even as I shit my pants they did not stir.
Now that I'm thinking about it, the last time I had any sort of accident in relation to peeing and pooping was when I was 12 and I'd just been to see a movie with my friends Ryan and Jack. After the movie we were in the cinema foyer, and I really needed to pee, but when I went to the bathroom the door said 'Patrons Only', and I thought "Well I don't really know what a patron is but I'm sure I'm not one of them", so I decided I would hold on until I got home. Jack's mum picked us up, but we were dropping Ryan home before me, and I was starting to feel desperate. We dropped Ryan off, but just as we were driving away, he unexpectedly executed a near perfect piece of physical comedy: he pretended to go down some invisible stairs. It pushed me over the edge. Nobody had ever pretended to go down some invisible stairs so well before. I couldn't take it. I started laughing, and as I laughed I lost control. I peed all over the backseat of Jack's mum's car. Although Jack and his Mum seemingly hadn't noticed what I'd done, when I got out of the car that day I didn't just leave my urine behind: I left my dignity.
Okay then that's the blog that I have written.
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